What’s Wrong with The Bachelor? Or, Romance in Media

First off, ~*spoiler alert*~ if you care about The Bachelor and didn’t watch last night’s Finale Part 1 and have somehow been able to avoid all mention of what happened to date.

Let me be the first to say that I have not been, am not currently, and never will be a fan of The Bachelor(ette). I will never get why anyone would ever want to be on that show (aside from getting their 15 mins of fame). History shows that hardly anyone on it ever ends up living “happily ever after” when all is said and done. And I’ll never get how anyone would think to themselves, “You know what would be great? Competing with a bunch of other people for the affection of someone I don’t really know and might not even like! Sign me up.” This must be why I was not popular as a kid.

That being said, Arie is a huge dick and Becca didn’t deserve that shit. Lauren doesn’t deserve it either so I really hope she didn’t end up marrying Arie but I rage quit before I found out. Or maybe we find out tonight on the incredibly unnecessary Part 2 of the finale.

Anyway, there is a point to my ragging on The Bachelor, I promise. The point is that despite EVERYONE KNOWING how unrealistic and unnecessarily dramatic it is, it’s still absurdly popular. Some people watch it specifically for the train wreck, or to make fun of the ridiculous occupations the contestants have, but others also watch it (semi-) seriously and get incredibly invested in the outcome. Personally, I think fans are setting themselves up for disappointment since even if your “favorite” wins, they still lose by having been on the show in the first place. Plus, they almost always get divorced or break off the engagement.

Why do we happily allow ourselves to engage in doomed tales of love? Why do we pretend that it’s totally reasonable to expect to meet (and fall in love with) your soulmate WHILE ON TV over a span of like, 2 months? How do all these women know how to beautifully dress and style themselves (that’s right, no make-up artists for these ladies. I learned this yesterday and let me tell you, mind BLOWN)?

Yes, this blog post is another comment about unrealistic standards shown to us by the media. But less so about how beautiful I should look to attract a mate and more so about how ridiculous it is to expect to be able to sign up for a show and decide if you should marry someone after knowing them for 2 months. Everyone always likes to say, “when you know, you know”, and okay—MAYBE some people had that magical moment where they met someone and within a few months knew they had found The One. I still think it’s setting the majority of people up for disappointment, though.

I want a story of two people who met, found out they had a decent amount in common, spent enough time not-hating each other, and simply decided they wanted to be together forever, fireworks and gut-feelings be damned. You should be allowed to have doubts and moments of hesitation. You should reach a moment where you have to actively decide if marrying this person is something you want to do. You shouldn’t need to have an earth-shattering, mind-blowing, epiphany to realize this is the “person you want to spend the rest of your life with” (you also shouldn’t be ashamed if you change your mind later). You shouldn’t have to look for “that spark” that somehow stands out from all the rest.

I am a way bigger fan of the “slow-burn” trope (also, look at all these other love tropes! HOW ARE THERE SO MANY??) than the soulmate trope, so I really can’t get behind shows like The Bachelor or even the majority of Hallmark Channel movies. But I get it, and I mean, I do get sucked in every now and then. I’d LOVE to not have the burden of actually putting thought into my romantic choices, but I don’t think I’m suited for that type of relationship. To all you people out there who have had those fireworks, love-at-first-sight, I-know-I’m-gonna-marry-this-person moments, I’m really just jealous of you and I want everyone to stop pretending what you have isn’t amazingly special and rare.

I feel like it should be completely socially acceptable to be with someone who is objectively good for you, and who you simply want to be with without the rest of that extraordinary fluff. So, to those of you who have actually and truly found your soulmate, support the rest of us who are stuck in the ‘is this even a good idea’ phase of our love lives. Support those of us still discovering if the person we love is the person we want to try and love forever. Support those of us who pick someone because enough repeated exposure breeds enough familiarity, and it would be a pain in the ass if we ever had to find anyone else to love. Acknowledge that what you have is special and that it doesn’t need to be held up on a pedestal above all other types of romantic love. And for fuck’s sake, STOP WATCHING THE BACHELOR.