Musings on Choices

I think people like to blame technology and social media and point to millennial trends saying that these are the reasons we can’t be happy with the cards we’ve been dealt in life. I can certainly understand that reaction; we have more access to knowledge of what our neighbors are doing than ever before.

I’m not sure where this sense of dissatisfaction (could this even be considered the true FOMO?) came from and if there’s actually any evolutionary benefit to our tendency as a species to feel this way. Older generations are always telling the younger to be happy with what we have. And I definitely don’t disagree with that message. There are many aspects of life today that are a major improvement from the lives of those growing up in the ‘50s, ‘60s, and even the ‘00s.

So instead we’re struck with a desperate need for balance. We must be grateful for the conditions of our lives today but also work hard towards a better future. I think to say that young people today are more ungrateful than the youth of generations past is to ignore and forget a struggle that each of us face as we grow and encounter more in the world throughout or lives. The longer we live, the more options and choices we know we have available to us. And in today’s world where we seem to have more options than ever before, it’s no wonder that younger adults with fewer barriers (family, established careers, houses) to these options grapple with a crisis that all of us experience – a crisis of free will.

We all have heard of sentiments telling us that knowing more isn’t necessarily going to bring us happiness. “Ignorance is bliss”, eating fruit from the tree of knowledge brought the downfall of humanity, and all that. It’s a struggle we see played out in movies, in TV shows, in politics and in business. Some would say the world would be better off without Facebook and Instagram and that we should all do more to disconnect from social media. But in Hollywood, taking away people’s choices is seen as tantamount to removing free will—the basest and most hallowed right we feel we have as humans. It’s always those that remove options that are portrayed as the villains.

Having many options available is something I think most people would say they prefer. The more options you have the more likely it is you’ll find THE ONE that brings you the most happiness. However, I think this sentiment is largely incorrect and that people are terrible at predicting how we’d feel in the alternative situation. I mean, sure, if you’re trying to choose between Verizon and Comcast you’re going to wish you had other options. But somehow we always find a way to be content with whatever shitty Internet provider we have to call customer service and scream at every time they change their rates without warning. Because, of course, the final alternatives are to have no Internet at all or to spend time and energy fighting for more (and only potentially better) options.

In a world where we typically do have a lot of options, though, I think we end up somewhere along a spectrum of two extremes:

Those who get satisfaction out of the act of choosing itself and find contentment with whatever decision they made, regardless of if it was the “right” decision.

vs.

Those who experience anxiety when forced to choose and who feel an overwhelming sense of uncertainty with their decision, even when that decision seems to be the “best”.

Those closer to the first camp crave the feeling of having exercised free will to pick an option at all. They are more easily able to convince themselves that whatever choice made was/would be better than the alternative. Waiting for the possibility of a better option goes against their nature. Not choosing anything at all is not an option. One could argue that this group is unlikely to find or believe that there is one singular path to maximum happiness and are more easily able to come to terms with the fact that each decision narrows the options for the next.

Those in the second camp dedicate their lives to pursuing maximum happiness. This group of people need something to compare their gut preference against otherwise they would mistrust their intuition. Constantly having a sense they might have missed out on something even better drives them to explore more, to seek out more, and can lead to a higher degree of ambition.

Rather than saying young adults and kids of today are “ungrateful”, I think that we are seeing more people fall closer to this second camp of decision-makers. We have more external influences than ever before and more voices questioning us thanks to the Internet and social media. It takes more stubbornness, I think, and more mental fortitude to find your happiness today.  Because everything we do is more visible, there is increasing pressure to be ‘perfect’ or to make the ‘right’ decisions. Not only do we have to pick our path to happiness, we also have to choose in which community or communities to forge this path. So much of one’s identity is built online nowadays, and I do think that can be a problem for many people because of the multitude of options an online presence brings.

I don’t really know that there is a “solution” or that being one way or the other when it comes to making decisions is better or worse. In general, I think balance is most important. Strive for the best, but have faith in your ability to settle for the worst. Practice reframing decisions that don’t work out the way you imagined into opportunities for growth so you can have fewer regrets. People are more resilient than we think and at the end of the day, everything we do and every choice we make only matters if we want them to.