The thing about being 26

Let’s talk about existential dread quarter-life crises what it means to be in your mid-twenties. You’ve graduated from college, made many of the last best friends you’ll ever make, worked for a few years, and started to realize the sheer monotony of adulthood.  Sure, you can spice it up a bit by moving to a new town, getting a new job every 16-20 months, and adopting a cat.  But sooner or later you’ll realize that no matter how much money or change you throw at it, the creeping dread of “what the fuck am I doing with my life” will eventually catch up to you. Maybe you have a dream to own a house, get married, and have children. Maybe you dream of having exactly zero children and traveling the world. And that’s great! Personally, I would one day like to meet “that special someone” with whom I could have some obnoxious but still somehow endearing offspring. But when you’re single, working a soul-sucking corporate job, and have a deep-seated fear that sometime in the next three years everything you love will be consumed in nuclear fire it can sometimes be hard to feel like you’re working towards something bigger and better.

So let me give you some tips on how to get out of this slump and feel energized about becoming more and more like your mom/dad with each passing day:

1. Get a tattoo! Make sure it’s somewhere not immediately hideable. Nothing says quarter life crisis like a big “fuck you” to your family/friends and all their expectations. What will you wear on your wedding day now??
2. Quit your soul-sucking corporate job to travel the world for a year! Take some time away from the office to remind yourself of exactly why you hate working there.
3. Adopt a pet! You can pretend you’re working on “being more responsible” while simultaneously trying to put a band aid on the abject loneliness of knowing that maybe Susan Patton was right all along (but like, did she have to be such a bitch about it? God.).

I should be fair and acknowledge that there are SOME good things about being in your mid-twenties. Like you are now (hopefully) capable of paying bills, getting maintenance on your car, booking appointments, and ordering takeout over the phone without rehearsing your order in your head five times.  You can still watch cartoons and play video games all weekend and none of your friends will think it’s weird because they still do it too. You have money now! You’ve probably paid off your student loans and now can start really contributing to the economy. You probably haven’t changed sizes in awhile so you can start buying quality clothes that will last you for more than a couple of years. You can go on vacation, move to a random city, and generally fuck around without feeling the pressure to truly commit to anything. You can rent a car without paying an extra fee. You can reserve an AirBnB! You can start actively planning for retirement thinking about maybe having a 5-year plan. You’re more or less aware of what kind of person you are, even if you’re still working on what it is you actually want or who you want to be.

That’s about all I can really say about being 26. There are some good things that balance out the constant swing between the existential “what am I doing with my life” and the nihilistic “fuck it, you should just quit your job and start a blog”. But hey. At least you’re not still 21 and you’re not 30 yet! You’ve got a solid 2 years before you REALLY need to begin freaking out. So make the most of ‘em!